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Your first male sex toy? Make it fifi.

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Not that we have statistics to back this up or anything, but we think there are a lot of guys out there who haven’t used their first male sex toy yet. These poor guys have only ever used their hand to masturbate. Maybe they think a toy isn’t something they need (that’s why it’s called a toy) or maybe they just find it intimidating.

We get it: male masturbators can get unnecessarily complicated. Have you seen the Buzzfeed video where they asked a bunch of guys to try some of the most popular sex toys for men and report their experience one day later? Some guys tested different versions of fleshlights, while others tried the Autoblow 2 and the Cobra Libre II male vibrator.

These were the reactions we loved the most:

“Am I gonna understand this one if I haven’t used the Cobra Libre I?”

“It looks like a Tron Lightcycle.”

“It’s kind of like turning my penis into Bane and I feel like it’s just gonna make me dehydrated.”

“This is like my fantasy of being with Mystique from the X-Men, except for she’s not there and I’m putting my penis in a cup.”

“I don’t know if I’m a feminist anymore.”

“Now I have had sex with a machine and I can’t go back.”

“So, is my face gonna get blurred out? ‘Cause if my mother gets an iPad for Christmas this year and sees this, her tears will be the lube that the universe needs for the Rapture to fucking enter it.”

We think fifi would make an excellent first male sex toy, so you don’t have to worry about sticking your junk in something that looks like a prop from a Cronenberg movie or feeling a need to go to church for the first time in 20 years. Get your fifi here. Even if you don’t have any hilarious stories to tell about it, you’ll know you’ve been missing out all those times when you just settled for jerking off with your hand.