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The mattress that lets you catch a cheating partner

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With its groundbreaking “lover detection system,” the new Durmet Smarttress mattress from Spain could make it impossible for cheating partners to bring an unfamiliar fuck partner into bed.

Announced this week, the Smarttress uses sensors that can detect duration, intensity, and “impact per minute.” The mattress sends an alert to your smartphone, which means angry partners now have an easier time busting up in their bedroom to catch their cheating spouse or significant other in flagrante.

This is like a commercial version of the prank the dude in the UK pulled on his best friend who had just gotten married. The prankster set up a device under the couple’s mattress while he was housesitting for them during their honeymoon. When they returned, they didn’t know there was a device sending automatic tweets to a Twitter account every time they boned. The tweets even gave ratings and commentary on the action. Too bad the Smarttress isn’t just for fun.

Durmet has been making other sleep products for four years, so it’s not just a prank. Watch a video of it here if you’re in the market for a $1750 mattress that will appeal to anyone with trust issues or a partner who has a history of straying. Then again, if you’re with somebody who can’t stop running around on you, maybe there are better solutions than a spy mattress.

Of course, this could only work one time unless you have a really forgetful partner. They’re not likely to make the same mistake twice. The next time, if they’re feeling like giving the middle finger to their suspicious partner, they might just fuck somebody else on the floor next to the bed. And so far, we haven’t heard about anybody making a cheater-catching couch. Besides, what if the bed is uncomfortable, and who would want to sleep in it after its intended use?

Would-be cheaters might be way better off just jerking off with a sex toy instead. May we humbly suggest the fifi, the first male masturbator with no-mess cleanup?