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Pokémon Go is more popular than porn?

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Has the world dropped some bad acid lately or is it just us? We already heard this morning that the new Pokémon Go mobile device game will have more active users than Twitter does by tomorrow. And then, this afternoon, we learned that Pokémon Go’s popularity online has surpassed that of porn. The King of the Internet has lost its crown and now we just don’t know what to do with ourselves.

If you’ve never been into Pokémon, the possibility that a mobile game about walking around to find digital critters could be more popular than watching people fuck might confuse you. But if you feel like bridging the gap between porn and Pokémon, you’ll be happy to know that fifi is versatile and can be dressed up in a costume.

Have you joined team Mystic? Grab a blue fifi to show your support! Team Valor? Then fire red is the fifi for you! Or are you team Instinct? Just kidding! Nobody is on that team! You can dress up a fifi like some new sexy Pokémon. Call it your Pokéhole or something. Maybe use googly eyes, felt, and Velcro to make it a costume. And when you reach the moment of climax, instead of yelling “Oh God!” you can yell out “Pokémon Go!” Really stretch out the word “Goooooooooooo!” like a soccer announcer for maximum effectiveness.

You don’t have to feel left out if you aren’t into the Pokémon Go craze. If you’re still using the internet for porn as the good lawd intended, we’ve still got your back. Maybe you’re so out of touch with gaming that the last time you touched a video game was when you put that vintage 1987 copy of Leisure Suit Larry in the back of your closet, where it’s still gathering dust. (Guys of a certain age will remember this game fondly with the weirdest boner.) You can still enjoy your apparently unfashionable adult internet entertainment with your fifi in hand. Think about those 8-bit hotties that Larry used to bone, if it gets you off. It makes about as much sense as a Pokéhole, right?

Get fifi here, along with lube and disposable sleeves. Costume sold separately.

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