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Lost sex toy? Who ever heard of such a thing?

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A friend recently told us that he had lost his fifi. As sad as he was about needing to buy a replacement for the misplaced masturbator, he admitted to feeling impressed. He’d never experienced the potential embarrassment of a lost sex toy up until now, he told us. There once was a funny domestic incident when he got careless, though.

“One time I forgot to put away a Fleshlight and left it sitting out on my nightstand,” our friend says. “One of my roommates came in to ask me a question and could barely contain her disgust when she saw it. The so-called incognito flashlight design didn’t fool her for a second. She told me I’d better hide it and make sure my nightstand was clean before my girlfriend showed up. My other roommate couldn’t stop snickering.

“But nobody has figured out what my lost fifi actually is, I guess,” he continues. “I’ve never had a masturbator stolen. I know my roommate didn’t take it. Who would want a used sex toy? My girlfriend hasn’t yelled at me or dumped me for being a pervert, so I know if she found it, she couldn’t tell what it was. Maybe she figured it was some kind of hot pad or bottle cozy.”

We’re proud that fifi has passed the camouflage test! Incidentally, the color that he lost is the Big Blue fifi. “I have an insulated sleeve for an ice pack that’s almost the exact same shade of blue and about the same size,” our friend says. “If anybody noticed my fifi then they probably thought that’s what it was. I just hope that I find it someday.”

You might be in the market for a discreet male masturbator. Maybe you’ve also got a clever roommate or a girlfriend who’s always trying to bust you because she knows you like to jerk it to porn. Maybe you’ve experienced the pain of a lost sex toy. Or maybe you travel a lot and you want a toy to use in your hotel room, but you don’t relish the thought of TSA agents making a fool out of you at the airport. Now you know which men’s sex toy will let you hide your masturbatory preferences from prying eyes: the fifi male masturbator. You’re welcome.

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